Spiritual Tiredness

I have been spiritually tired for awhile and I don't want to say that it is a bad thing because I love the Lord with all my heart and I don't want to stop serving him. I have been doing so much for the Lord service whis. I have been working Kettles everynight, being at the daycare long hours that is not a bad thing at all.I love my job and the children are so great but with all this going on I have not been able to spend time with the Lord one on one. When I don't get to spend time with the lord it makes me very upset because the Lord is the one who gives me strength to get through the days. I have found that I am not only spiritual tired but also phyically tired. I have been sick for awhile and the doctors sdon't know what is going on.i keep going to the doctors and they keep tell me that they don't know what is going on. So being tried has stoped me from spending time with the Lord and I feel so broken inside because I have not been spending time with the Lord.
This past Sunday was my day off I had the chance to spend time in pray with the Lord asking him to forgive me for not taking time to be with him. I also had the chance to ask God to heal me and help me to rest. For awhile I have been talking to the Lord about some stuff in my life and what he wants that to look like. So in the New Year I am taking time off to spend with the Lord and to spend time in the word focusing on what the Lord wants to tell me and show me about my life. I am going to be taking time off of things that I know I need to slow down in and some of that has to do with service I am not taking it complately off just in some areas untill I feel better and untill God tells me it is time to come back to that stuff. I am doing this all for the lord because I want to spend time with him alone and that has been hard to do these last few months.With having that time off I am going to be able to focus on school and spend time with families and reading the word.
I am very excited to have some time off to spend with the Lord and to take care of my self.

Community

I can across a blog that Karyn Baker wrote about Community and it got me thinking. What is community? What does it look like? What is the definition of community? God has been putting this on my mind ever since I read Karyn's blog. This blog was very interetsing to me. Are we a community? I have been praying about this community stuff and what God wants to say about it. Well this is what God has told me about community. Community has many definitions. Community can look like different things but what God is trying to tell me I think is that community is about fellowship. Getting to know the people in your church. Spending time praying for others. Being in the word and encouraging others to be in the word to. Community is being a family that loves each other. Community is about showing God to others. As you can see community has many definitions to it. God is trying to show me what it look likes to be in community. This is a good topic to look into and ask God what it looks like. If you look at
Genesis 48:4 it says.
and He said to me, Behold, I will make you fruitful and numerous
and I will make you a company of peoples, and will give this land
to your descendants after you for an everlasting possession.
God wants to make us all a community. All the belivere together and that is so great. I want to be in community with God. Can you image having 100 percent of God in your life. What would that be like. Having God be everything you do. Your life would be so much happier and God would be everything you do.

I want God to be in every part of my life because I need him so much. To be my strength when I am weak. To be the words that come out of my mouth. To be my breath of ife. God wants to everything to us. He wants to be in community with us. What a beauitful picture that would be.

Well God is great. He has showen me so much that I never thought I would see.

Blessing to you all

Gods Lesson For Me

Will this week was a long week for me. I got really sick and had to stay home for 4 days it was not fun at all. In the time of being sick I was asking God why do I feel so sick, why haven't you healed me? Why do I have to miss out on serving you and doing what I love to do? Why God why? This is what I was asking God the whole time I was sick. I was in so much pain that I couldn't breath and it hurt. So I had to spend 4 days at home in bed not that fun. Anyways as I was sick at home this week God was talking to me about slowing down and resting. I told God that I can't because I have to much to day. God said I want you to slow down and spend time with me. So this week being sick was all about God showing me that I need to slow down and not over do myself. I was so upset that I had to miss alot of stuff this week I love to do, but that was God way of telling me to slow down. He wants me to take care of myself and to not over do what I can't handle. I am starting to feel better and that is because I take time off of things this weekend to get better. God has his ways of working through us. He shows us many things, sometimes you just need to listen to what he has to say. God knows what is right for us.He created us so he should know what we can handle. God will never give us more then we can handle.

Worship And What It Looks LIke

Well this is another blog about my weekend at youth Together and that is because that weekend changed me so much. God really spoke to me and alot of it hurt because it was the truth. God was speaking to me about my way of worship and how it wasn't pleaseing him. When I would sing it would'n be from my heart. I would just sing because I felt like it and that is not what God wants. God wants our worship to be from our hearts because he desver so much. He sent his son to die on the cross for my sins and saved me from a drug and acholo addiction. God has been good at telling me whenI am not doing what he wants. I sometimes don't listen to him but that is something I am trying to do better. So when I was at Youth Together God really spoke to me about Worship and Pray. God wants me to worship him from my heart and to keep praying to him because he wants to take care of me. I am trying to worship God with all I have but right now because I am spiritual tried and I don't have the enengy to do it. Worship is all about giving thing up to be with the Lord I that because God has asked me to give so stuff up and I am still trying to that. Worship neededs to come from the heart because that is were God is. worshipping the Lord is great. I love to worship God when there is no one around because then I have the time to talk to God and to have intamcy with him. God spoek to me alot at Youth Together because I was struggling with some pretty tough stuff and I didn't know what to do with it all. God told me to give it to him because he would take care of it all.

One cool thing that happned at Youth Together was on the Saturday the camp went on a walk around the camp and then had a camp fire. It was so beautiful because I felt like I was alone with God and that no one was around me. We walked in slience and that was great. Before when went on the walk we watched a moive about these that were taken from there home and had to fend for themselves. Seeing this movie I wanted tocry so bad. I felt the pain they were going through and it made me brake down. This was the reason we went on the walk, because in Vancouver that night there were people walking for the same reason. God was there with us all that night. No one talked the whole tie we were walking. Then on Sunday morining we did an offering for all the children in Afraica. WE were told to give all the money we had in our pockets and most of us did. That was something God was telling me to do. Give the money you have and don't worry I will take care of you. After giving the money I felt good because I was help somelse out. God wanted me to think of others and I did. That weekend I grow a stronger relationship with the Lord. I have seen a new way of worshipping God and I am going to do it.

God is good. He is awalys there when you need him. He is awalys there to hold you hand. He helps you out when you are introuble. What a great Father we have. Why won't we worship him all the time. I am going to try to make every day of my life be of him. Everything I do is going to be for him. I need God so much in my life. I don't know what I would do with out him in my life. He is everything to me.

Blessing

Youth Together 2006

Last weekend I was away at camp sunrise for a weekend called youht together. What a great weekend, besides the whole not getting enough sleep. I had only 4 hours of sleep, but hte thing is that I was not tried until the day we left. As soon as we got on the ferry I was so tried. Anyways the theme for Youth Together this year was REVOLUTION. This was a good weekend for because I was strugging with alot of things and I brought them up to camp with me. On the first night we did worship and I love to worship God. So when we were worshipping I was not really feeling like I wanted to worship God and I didn't know why. I spent so time in prayer with the Lord during worship and he was revailing stuff to me. I asked God why I was not feeling like I wanted to worship him and he told me that I am worshipping him through prayer. I have been strugging with worshipping the Lord for awhile because things have been going on in my life and I couldn't find the time to be with the Lord. Ss God was telling me alot of things and I was crying as he was taking to me. God kept saying I love you, I love you, you are my child and I will not level you a lone. The whole weekend was about REVOLUTION and if you can see the route word is Love. God wants me to love others no matter what they have done to me. This weekend I was expecting to get anything out of it because I was there for the youth but I got lost out of the weekend. I had the chance to see what worship really looks like. Over the weekend God revailed to me what I was doing wrong because I asked him what is my worship suppose to look like. God told me and I started to break down, I was crying so hard because I wanted my worship to be the wya God wanted ti to be. At Youth Together I felt so broken inside that I din't know what was going on and God showed me why I was so broken.

God told me that I need to look to him for confort and help. That he wants to guide me in walk and not see me go off the wrong path. For awhile I was not living for God, it was all about what I wanted and not what God wanted.God told me to keep praying and worshipping him because has something specail for me. He wants me to keep feeling broken because when I feel broken that is when God is doing his work in me. God ahs been walking me thorugh some stuff from my past that I don't want to have to walk thorugh because it hurts me and I don't think I can handle the hurt again. God has something big for me and I just need to keep praying for his help.

As I write all this I am thinking about what we talked about in this cell group that I go on Wednesday nights. We talked about persevance and not giving up because God is not asnwering our prays rightway. God has his onw timing for asnwered prays and we just have to wait. The more we persever the more our faith increaes. I want my faith to increaes. I want to believe that God is going to take care of everything that is going on in my life rightnow. God is great.

Blessing

New Job

This week I started a new job and I am so happy because I get to work with kids. I love it so much I not only get to work with them I get to play with them and chat with them. Yesterday I was at work I meet this one girl that I love so much. She said to me that I wa a cool teacher that made me almost cry because I have been going through so tough stuff and just being able the kids has help me a little. The kids bring so much out of me. I have had the best three days of my life. I couldn't have asked for a better job. I love kids and I love working with them.

On wednesday night at cell group we got to talking and I had reveiled something that I was so afarid to talk about because I though I was going to be judge. It was a different night for. I was in tears by the middle of the night and could not stop crying. Rightnow I am walking through some stuff with God and I am felling so weak. God is good because I was able to share that stuff and the cell group praied for me. I had a friend come up to me and say something that was encouraging. I really needed to hear that. I have been looking at my life and seeing were I am messing up and I can't figure it out. Everything I am doing in my life is wrong and I can't stop what I am doing.

Well I don't much to say rightnow. I am still walking through this with God. I know that some day I figure it all out. I mean that I will figure my life out .

New Doors Opening

Today was a very stressful day at work because today was the day I was going to quit my job. The one I have been working at for two years. Hear is a good store to tell you. About a month ago or so I was not liking my job. It was getting to much for me and I had asked God what I was suppose to do about the job, because God was the one who provide me with this job. So has I was praying to God he keep telling me that it was time and I didn't understand what he was trying to tell, so I asked him and all he said was it is time. I said to God I don't understand what you mean by this and then he finally told me. He said that it is time for you to quit your job and I was like what I can't. I keep telling God that I couldn't because then I was not going to be able to support myself. I needed to feed myself and put a roof over my head and you know what God told me. He said do you trust me and I was like yes I do and he said so if you trust me why can't you do this. I am going to provide for you. I am going to help you out. I am going to be there for you. I told God that I was afraid that I was not going to be able to take care of myself and he said that is what I am going to do. I am going to take care of you. I will be there for you. God told me to trust him for he is there for me and that is all I needed to hear. So today I quit my job. The great thing about this is that God provided me with a even better job one that I love to do. I start tomorrow and the pay is even better. I can't wait. God is so great he does provide and I have learn't to trust him through this all.

God has opened new doors for and I can't wait to see what eles he has for me. This job is anew opporutatie for me. I know that with this job I am going to be able to grow closer to God and be able to spake about to others. I am going to be able to show the little kids who God is and what he wants to do for them.

I am so excited to start this new job. Praise the Lord for he is good and his love endures forever.
God Bless

The Art of Worship

This morning at church Pastor Karyn Baker spoke about the Art of Worship. She talked about many ways that can considered art of worship. I am not sure I get this whole worship stuff. Karyn spoke about when we worship that it comes from the heart and the mind. That is so true in so many ways. For me this message was hard to hear because I am struggling with worship and it looks like for me. Worship is so many things and can be done in so many ways. My question is what do you think the Art of Worship looks like to you. Worship is so hard to do, because sometimes when I worship it not always coming from the heart. Sometimes it coming from my mouth but I don't always mean what is coming from my mouth. So at the evening service which is at Cariboo on Sunday. The time I was worshipping God I was crying like a baby. My eyes were watery that I couldn't even see the words. I went down to the altar that night to have some time with the Lord and again I cried so. There are reasons for this and that is because I have been really looking at my life and what I have been doing wrong. Kind of like what Karyn spoke about in the morning to look at your life and see were you need to ask God for help. So when I was down at the altar I asked God to forgive me for all the things I have beening wrong in my life. Some of the things that I have done has made me not want to hear my solider uniform because I broke some of the rules and I need for God to frogive me for that. Rightnow I am walking throuhg some tuff stuff with God and it is really hurting me to walk through all that again. I have earsed it from my mind and now God wants to bring it up again because it is what is holding me from him. God has been doing alot of stuff in my life and I am so greatful for that.

God is so good.
God Bless

Old School Worship

Last night I went to cariboo temple and the worship had the night off because of the holiday. Michael Collins had the whole night planned there was musical worship in the sense of old school tunes. It was very old school but up beat. It was alot of fun. There was alot of jumping up down and clapping off beat, but it was very interesting.This was one fun night to worship God in this way. It was an early night but alot of fun. I really think that this was a great way to worship God. So much laughter and excitmint. The preach was great. We talked about Isisah 58. The kind of serving God wants us to do. This is the way we can worship God. It talks about the way God wants us to serve him. The songs were so cool. It felt like we were in a Sunday Morning Services which I really liked. Everyone was really into it and I liked it. What a great way to start the week. Praise the Lord.

Being Worshipper/ Doing Worship

This has been something that has been running through my head for last couple of weeks. At the New West Church Pastor Karyn Baker has been talking alot about what it looks like to be worshippers. This is something that has hit me so hard because I don't know what it looks like to be a worshipper. I have been doing alot looking for who I am and what God wants me to do. I don't if I am really worshipping God or not. Sometimes I think I am but then I tend to fall away from him. Why is it when you get so close to God that you tend to fall futher away from him?I am looking for that answer because that is what has been happening to me. I am trying to worship God through all the tuff stuff going on but I am getting tried. Maybe that is why I am falling away from God because I don't want to deal with all the stuff going in my life. I sometimes want to run away form all of it but I know deep down in side of me that, that is not what God wants me to do. This whole worship stuff is so hard for me. I have been struggling with it for the past two and half weeks and I still don't know why.

Back to what Pastor Karyn has been talking about. She has been talking about us being worshippers and not doing worship. I am not sure what that look likes for rightnow. I am looking for the answers. I don't know why we can't do both be worshipper and do worship. Aren't they both worshipping God and that is what he wants right. For us to worship him in everything that we do. Why is bad to do worship? I am not sure I understand why we can't do both. What does being a worshipper look like? What does doing worship look like?I am not sure that I understand what it is to be a worshipper. I am still struggling with being the worshipper that God wants me to be. Not that I know what that looks like to me. This whole preac on worship has been something that has hit me pretty hard. I guess God is conviting me for not being a worshipper.

Well that is all I have to saw for how about this topic. I am going to pray more about it and see what God is going to tell me.

God Bless

Long Week

This week has been very long because I have been doing alot. I got back form camp last week which was pretty cool to have a week off of work. Anyways there has been so much going on rightnow. I have been working alot this week which is good because I need the money. Ihave been going out long hours of the night which has not help me at all. I have been so tired that I have not been able to focus much. I have to say that I have not sleep much in the last two weeks. If you know me that is bad because I get really sick and then I can't go to work or hang with my friends.

In the last couple of weeks there has been alot of talk about worship at the New West Service which is good because in January we all took a covanit to worship God 24/7 but it has been hard to do. Pastor Karyn Baker has been talking to us about worship and what it looks like to be worshippers instead of doing worship. This has been something that has been running in my head for the past coulpe of week. That we should be worshipping not just doing worship. I am not sure that there is anything wrong with doing worship. Alot about what we have been talking about is being interminat with God. Spending one on one time with Him because that is the Key to our relationship with him, is to be connect with him. We should be worshipping God all the time in every thing that we do. If you have not met Jesus and is looking to met him, he is a pretty great guy. All you have to do is ask him into your life. I know for me when I accepted Christ into my life it was best decision I made.

God want to have a relationship with you. Ask him into your life and start you life new.

Blessing to you all.

Knee Drill

Last night was a great night I got to see alot of the War College students. It was cool to see them alot of them have changed. Anyways last nigth was the kick off to there graduation. It was crazy and very powerful night. The service went late which was cool. Normally, the service goes till 8:30 but last night it went on for a long time. We didn't leave untill 10:00pm. There was alot of worshipping God and praying for each other. I would have to say that there was about 50 people there and it got really hot. There was alot of powerful things that happened last night. Joshua became a senior soldier and left his life in God's hands. That was great to be able to witness that. War college students also prayed over some of us. They blessed with so much. It has been great getting to know alot of them . What a blessing they have been to us. God has been working through them in the most magical ways. It was great getting to know some of them one on one in a new found friendship. Some of them are staying and some are going, but either way we'll see each other all in heaven. God has been so great blessing all of us with the war college students they have been there for some of us. I have been able to talk with one or two of them and I have had some good conversations with them. Getting to know has been a blessing.

Blessing

What Is Worship

For the last couple of weeks we have been learning about worship. Karyn Baker has been talking about worship. It has been interesting and confusing for me because right now I am struggling with knowing how to worship God, what worship is and what it looks like from our side. I am not sure that I am worshipping God the way I should be because I don't really know what that looks like for me. I had asked a question to Karyn and she gave me a really good answer but I am still not sure I am worshipping the right way. Worship can means so many different things. Karyn had given me a couple of things that worship is, because it is not always about Thanks You or Praise You, but about trust, surrender, and honouring. These are very hard for me because I have been hurt in my past I am afraid to trust anyone even God. I don't even think I can surrender to God because then I just tend to take back what I gave to God. Worship is so many things I know that, I just don't know how to do it.
Hears an example of something that happened this past week. I was away at camp serving God well that is what I thought. By the second day of being there I was like God why did you give me this job I hate it so much. I was not happy serving God because I was not having a good time. I wasn't listening to what God wanted to say to me because I wanted it to be all about me and not about what he wanted. I wanted it to go my way but that didn't happen I was being selfish and I finally figured that out one when I got sick. I had spent a day and half in bed. All I could hear was God saying shut up and listen to me. That is when I realized it is not about me at all. It is all about God and what he wants for us. God just wants what is best for us. So it took me being sick and having to miss a few shifts to see what I was doing. I was being selfish and that has been happening alot lately. I have been wanting evereything to go my way.
God please help me to see where I have gone wrong in my life and help me to see that is not about what I want but about what you want because I want to live for you. Help me to worship you. Iwant to worship you with everything I have to offer.
Blessing To You All

Turning our focus to God

On Thursday night my freinds and I went down town to knee drill which is a worship service. On the downtown east side(not a safe area by the way). Some guy told us that he was 2 months pergant. It was pretty weird because guys can't get pergant. By anyways other then that is was a good night. It was all about turning our eyes to God and putting all the things that are holding us from away and giving them to God. There was alot of dancing that and "it isn't worship untill you sweat". Which gets pretty gross and then we go and hug everyone we can find. So it is like passing on our sweat to others in love. By saying that, its like hugging people (without sweat!) and transfering God onto them by showing them we love them. The night was full of God and sweat which is pretty good because it shows that we were really into worshiping God. We broke off into groups there was about five of them. One was Jesus is worthy of worship, another was called Jesus the Shepard, Jesus the lover, unfortunatlyI can't remeber the rest but hopeful someone who redas this blog that was there will remember. It was a powerful night. We had to say bye to the battle school kids. We took them pray surfing (robyns define: its like crowd surfing at a rock concert except no screaming just hardcore prayers).Some of them were scared to get up there. Like Jordan who was wearing a skirt and had to be on a chair. Brent White got up there and screamed so loud. Eddy was freaked out, and Chris was VERY ticklish (not a good thing by the way!). To sum it all up the night was about turing to God and giving him verything. At the end we all started dancing and it was great because it didn't matter what we look liked it was all out of fun for the Lord.

Well Blessing to you all

Selfish Prayes

This question has been something running through my head and I can't find the answer to it. My question is, is a such thing as Selfish Prayes because I am not sure. Sometimes I think when I am praying that I am praying for selfish things and that is way God don't answer them. Am I wrong about selfish prayes. I don't even know if there a such thing as Selfish Prayes. The last couple of weeks the cell group I attend has been reading this book called The Beginnger Guide to Intercession. It has really struk me to know that I have not been praying for what God wants but for what I want so that is why I ask the question about selfish prayes. This book is so good I have not been able to put it down since I have gotten it. God is revelaing so much to me.Well that is all I have to say for now.

Blessing to you all

What does God mean to you. If you had to decribe him in one word

For me if I had to decibe God in one word it would be life. God is life and there many reasons to why I say this. The reason God is life is because God saved me form drug and acholi addictions about 5 years ago. If it wants for God giving me life I don't think I would be alive today. I gave my life to Christ about 2 years ago. I have many times asked God into my life but this time I really meant it. Even though I gave my life to Christ it wasn't easy. There were alot of ups and downs, but they all happened for a reason and that is because wants to sterngthen us. He wants to see who strong our faith is. God means the word to me. In this last year I have recommited my life to Christ. I became a Soilder of the Salvation Army which something I never though I would have done. I have been involved in Ministies for The Lord. I am a new different person and I am happy with who God has made me. I own my life to God because he saved me from living a life of death. It almost was and it is scary.

LIFE- Live it full everyday.
Live your lives to fullest you can. Live your life the way God wants you to. He has made us all different for a reason and that is every encouraging.
GOD IS LIFE.
God is my life and that is what God means to me.

Blessing to you all

Praise The Lord

The Lord is Almighty
The Lord is Holy
The Lord is Great
The Lord is the king
The Lord is loving
The Lord is caring
The Lord is Amazing
The Lord is powerful
The Lord is kind
The Lord is our Father in Heaven and on Earth
The Lord is our strength
The Lord is our healer
The Lord is our life
The Lord is our provider
The Lord is our Refuge
The Lord is our Groom
The Lord is our Friend
The Lord is everything
The Lord answers prayers
The Lord guides us
The Lord helps us
The Lord listen to us
The Lord is Faithful
The Lord is honest
The Lord of trust
The Lord of peace
The Lord of light
The Lord of my heart
The Lord of praises
The Lord of all

Well I have been having a better week and it is because of the Lord. He is so great to us. He loves us so much. He takes care of us. He provides for us. I have needed the Lord so much and he has been there for me. Even thouhgt I am a sinner he is still there taking care of me. What a great Father we have. Even when we mess up he is still there and that is great. This weekend was a hard one because I finally told my mom that I was moving out. She didn't take it to well, but that is something she has to deal with. I told her that it is time for me to move out. I prayed alot about this dission before I told my mom and he told me that it is time to move out. I am so happy because now I am going to be able to be more indepent. I will be able to focus on God and give him my all. God is worthy of all praise and that is what I want to give him, is all my praises.

On Sunday night at The Hill, it was a really great night to worship the Lord. I felt so much joy, even though I was doing power point. There were time when I closed my eyes and worshiped God. I even raised my hands a few times. I felt like there was no one else around. That it was only Jesus and me. It was the best felling ever. I have never experince anything like this before. God was really trying to speak to me. I was able to lift my praises to The Lord with no one bothering me. It was so nice to be alone with the Lord. I guess that is what it fells like to have intimacy with the Lord. I have been look for that intimacy with the Lord for a long time and I finally found it. The Lord is so good to us. The has been providing for me in ways I never though I would be able to. He is going to provide me with a place to live. With food to eat. What a great Father. He truly wants to take care of us. I am going to let him take care of me because he is my Father.

Blessing to you all

God is Amazing

These last couple of weeks have been really hard at home. Things have not been to good for awhile. I have been praying for things to get better and for awhile there where, but now this time I had enouhg of it. Last Saturaday come things want on at home that was so bad I am not even sure were to begin. So after all this went on, my sister and I spoke with the Capts from our church, Capt Dave and Lisa. We told them what happened and they said that they wanted to help, and asked what we wanted to do about this. So my sister and I told them that we wanted to move out because we both thought it was time and they said that sounds like a good thing to do. After we told them what we wanted to do Dave and Lisa told us that they were going to help us but they just needed to look into it. On Firday I recived an email form Capt Lisa and she had said that they found someone who was going help us find a place. I was so happy to hear this news because it is what God was telling me. So now on Wednesday I have a bunch of papers to fill out for all this to happen. There was one thing I was so worried about and that was the money because I am not working as much and I an not making as much money, so I didn't think it was going to work out, but God always has plans for things to work out. He is going to provide us with aa place to live, food, and anything eles we going to need. God is providing for us finacially and that is great, because I trying to go back to school in the fall so that I can get a good job in the future. God is so amazing because he is going to make this all happen. I don't need to worry so mcuh because is taking care of my sister and I. This is going to be a good expericens for us both. Living away from home. Learning to provide for ourselfs. I really believer that this what God wants because if it wasn't I wouldn't be doing this. I think that moving out is going to help me alot because then I am going to beable to have peace in my life and I am going to be able to spend more time with God. I will be able to have more pivitces in my own house then I do rightnow. I really believe that I am ready to do this. God has always been there and he will always be there. Even when things get tuff he is always going to be there to provide for us. I now feel a little bit of joy in my life and I can't wait till all this joy is in my life.
Praise God for all that he has done and for all that he is doing in our lives.
Praise Jesus he is so great.

Blessing to you all

Resting In The Lord

Yesterday at the Morning service at New West Karyn Baker preached about rest and it was so powerful because lately this is what God has been talking to me about. He wants me rest and nto rest by sleeping but by spending time in his word. Praising him, worshiping him, serving him. I want to spend sometime resting in the Lord but it is hard when you have alot going on in your life. For me I have been asking God what does it look like to rest in the Lord because I am not sure what it look likes. For me I find that I only turn to God when I really need him and that is not fair because I should be praising God all the time. God is everything to me and when I only pray to him when I need him that is not really wanting the lord in my life. We should be prasing the Lord 24/7. God really spoke to me when Karyn was preaching because he was saying that I need spend time with him. I need to be interamet with him. This was a powerful preach because it is all God has been talking to me about is resting in him. I am thinking of takeing some time off because I am to distracted by all the things around me that I am not spending enough time with the Lord.

Yesterday instead of going swimming with my friends I chose to serve God by going to the care home. I need to spend time with the Lord. Sometimes I find that I get to distracted by me friends that I don't worship God the way he wants me to. I need God so much and even with some of the stuff going on at home I need more then I have ever. I am can't do it with out him. I need to rest in him. I have been over working myself so much that I don't even not what God wants me to do rightnow. I have been so caught up in my life and what is going on that I have not given it to the Lord. I want him to take it all. All the hurts and all the pain. Last night at The Hill I was trying to worship God but then it just turned into me wanting to have fun and not really sing to the Lord. It was hard to sing to him because of the stuff I am dealing with. Sometimes I belm God for all the stuff that goes wrong in my life. I know deep down that it all happens for a reason. I just don't want to believe it. I need to turn to God. For he will help through this all. Even if I don't want to believe it.

Can you pray that God wil help me and that my faith will grow stronger as I deal with this stuff at home. That he will help me to deal with the hurt and pain in my life. Also that God will show me what I am to do.

Blessing to you all

The last couple of days I have been really tried and not feeling like myself. I didn't know why untill I spent sometime talking to God. He told me because I am doing to much, that I need to spend more time resting and not over do it. That I need to take some time for me and spend it with the Lord. That I need to look at my life and see where I am pushing God away. I have for last couple of days not really look to God for strength because I want to do it on my own, but I know that I can't do it on my own. That God is the one that will give me strenght to get through the days. Even with all the triedness I have been spending sometime diving into the word. I have not done that for along time, so it feels good to be spending time in the word. I have been reading the book of Job. I have read this book before but never really paid attention to the words. This time I really focused on what it is saying. It is so amazing who much faith Job has in the Lord. Even with all the stuff that happens. Like his sons and daughter getting killed, his aniamls dieing, and when he get really sick. He still has faith in God. That faith is so strong. What an amazing stroy. I am only on Chapter 4 but form what I have read it has encouraged me so much. I what my faith to be strong. I don't what to question God when things go wrong. I want to believe that it is for the strenghting of our faith and that is what it is. He allows thing to happen to strenghten our faith. To build us up.

On Wednesday nigth I was at worship team pratices, which now also our cell group. Karyn asked us all what does it look like to rest? What do you do when you rest in Lord? Then we got on the topic of spending quite time with the Lord. Being interment with him and she asked when do we spend time with God, and where? They were very good questions that I could not answer because I was not spending much time being with the Lord. I want to spend time with the Lord but I tend to get distracted. The question about spending time with the Lord really hit because I was not and God was convicting me of that. I always say that I want to have a relationship with the Lord but I don't work on making that relationship happen. In order to have a good relationship with the Lord you need to spend time with and just once a week but every day. Be with him 24/7. Be in the word, be in pray, be in worship with him. Spending time with the Lord is something I am going to do. Not just because I have to but because I want to have a stronger relationship with the Lord. Well I have said alot hear. There so much more to say but that will br my next blog.
Blessing to you all.

What are your fears in life

This week I have been thinking alot about what I am afraid. I never take the time to look at my fears. But Last night at Refuge Kelly talked about fear and that really hit me because that has been something I have been struggling with. It was a good night because alot of people opened up and some of the things there were afraid of. That was great because then we got to pray for them. At the end of the night we were told to go and write down all of your fears and are burredens. It was hard for me because there still a few thing I fear.Then we were went if were ready to give all our fears to God. We put them in a basket and give them to God. For me one of my biggest fears is not having an relationship with God. I fear losing that relationship. I need this relationship becasue it is the only relationship that get me through the day. Knowing that God is there watching over me and protecting me is what helps me live.

I was reading a blog that Karyn Baker wrote and it talks about light and darkness. This is also one of my fears is walking in the darkness and not living in the light. I don't want to be in the dark because it scares me to death. I am afraid of seeing Satan. Somethign I think there is alot of darkness because I choes not to live in the light. The light is what will help me. The light is God and that is what I want to live in the light and not in the darkness.

This week was a long week . I spent it being at home sick as a dog. There was some good things about it and some bad things about it. Well the bad thing about being sick for ten days and not leaving the house, you start to forget all the things around you. You start to feel bad that you had to miss church, but I know that God wanted me to stay home a get better. I feel that I should have been spending this time reading my bible and spending time with God but I chosse not to and I feel bad.I want to have a good relationship with God but I can't except to sit on my but and do nothing to have that relationship. It takes work and that was something I miss out on this week. I miss two weeks of work which sucks also I missed my friends. I haven't seen them in almost two weeks and I really miss them. I had to listen to my mother yell at me sware at me and it hurts because I didn't do anything but I took all the yelling because I thought that was what God wanted me to. The good thing about being sick and staying home was that I got to sleep in till noon every day and that was great. That was something I needed really bad.
I read a really good blog that Karyn Baker wrote. It is about the light and how there are times that instead of listening to God we tend to do other things. We tend to let other things get in the way of our relationship with God. She wrote something about when we don't take time to listen to God or sit at his feet it is like we are living in the darkness. That is scary living in the dark. Living in the dark is like being alone in the world and today that is what alot of poeple are doing. They are living in the darkness of the world. I just wish that they would see the light that is infront of them. That light is God he is shining his light on us so that we can walk in his path. Sometimes when I am not working on my relationship with God I feel like I am in the dark because I can't seem to find my way. What a great blog it really got me thinking of my life and the way I live. I want to be in the light as you are in the light. I want to shine like stars in the heavens. That is a great song because it is so true. I want people to know that I am living for God, that my life belongs to him. Everything I do I want it to be for him. God is the one who saved me. My pray is that we will all look at our lives and see were we walking in the dark and turn to God.

BACK FROM CAMP

Well I am back from Teen Camp. It was a great time. I learnt lots from God. God spoke to me through different things. One night it was through muisc then it was through the word. God speaks in many different ways. I am so blessed to have meet the greatest girls every. They mean ever thing to me and I am so happy that I was able to share my testimony with then and not have them look at me different. One thing that suck is that I am really sick rightnow. I came back from not feeling to great and I don't know why. I must have gotten something from someone. I went to the Doctors and he put me on medicien. I know that is not that great because it is making me feeling really weak. I am not able to focus rightnow on anything. I hope that God will heal me. Well I have to go.
God Bless

TEEN CAMP

This week I had the privilage of going to Teen Camp as a leader. It was great I got to meet lots of people. The girls in my cabin were great I got the chance to get to know them. I even got to know the girls that I brought up. I got to pray with them and chat with them. I got to comfort them when they needed me. This was a great oppourtiant for because I was able to witness to these girls. We had devotions ever night and the group I had was awsome. I was able to encourage them. One of the girls that was in my devotions group had told me that she had decided to give her life to Christ and to really focus on what he wants her to do. She told me this and I almost crid because I didn't think I had gotten to these girls. I saw a great change in all the girls even in the New West Group. I am so proud of them all. We were one great family that is going to keep in touch and do some group thing. I was so greatful to have this chance to really get to know them all. I also got the chance to get know the War College. They are great people. It is because of God that I was able to really open up to them. I was scared at first because I didn't know what they would think. I shared my testimony with my devotion group and I am happy that I did because one of my girls shared something that I never thoutgh would happen. So that night was all about testimonies and encouragement. We used our testimony to encourage each other. Something amazing happen to. One of the boys we brought up gave his life to Christ and that was great. We are now going to have two new memebers in Refuge and I am excite for them. They are great kids and are wanting to learn so much about the Lord. These week was something great for me beacuse I was able to experines the joy of knew Christians. I cried and cried becaues it was great to see all the people go up to the alter.
What a great week it was. The kids were great they did as they were told. So on the last night Crastyl Meyers and I take some of the kids to the beach and watched the Sunset. It was good. We pulled an allnighter to spend time with the kids.
God works in great ways and I can't wait to go back next year to a leader.
God Bless

DAY AT THE BEACH

HAPPY CANADA DAY
What a day it was laying at the beach with Robyn and my sister. It was has really hot and fun. The water was nice and cold but beautiful. Just laying there looking at the view was awesome. There was not cloud in the sky and taning was great. We were planning on going to the fire works but then realized that it was going to get really busy and it was going to take forever to get home. Which would not be to fun because I am leaving to go to Teen Camp. I need all the sleep I can get. This week is going to so much fun. The wheather is going to be very hot so we will all come back with sweet tan. Ha ha ha Karyn Baker. Don't you wish were going. There will be alot of people coming up. Which means the times we eat are going to be off.
Have a great week se you all next week.
God Bless.

BIG STEPS

This weekend was a big day for me. I got enrolled as a Soilder of the Salvation Army. I always told myself that I would never see myself as a Soilder because I didn't thing I was ever going to be ready but God proved me wrong. God told me that he wanted me to be a Soilder, that he has great things planed for me. I can't wait. So back to the Soilder Enrollment. We were asked if we wanted to share a testimony and I had said yes. I didn't prepare one because I know that God would speak through me. Then on Saturday night I had something I mind to talk about, but on my way to church that morning something cool happened. So when I got to the churhc God said April this is what I want you share and I was like but I already have prepared. God told me that would be the best thing to share and I did. God was right sharing what happened on the bus was the right thing to share. So I will share with all you. I was sitting on the bus going to church and I was in my uniform. This laide I was sitting beside asked what the uniform was for and I got to tell that I was becoming apart of the Salvation Army today. That I was becoimg a Soilder. She was so interested in it. Then we got to talking about the Salvation Army and how there are lots of Minstary that are from the Salvation Army. That was a great converation. This is something I had asked God for along time ago. Actually this was an image I had awhile back ago and God revieled it to me. It is so great how God works. I am so happy to in the war for him because I am going to offer myself to him. Just like it says in Romans 12:1 I urge you brethen in the mercys of God to offer yourselfs as living sacifices places and holy to. This is your spirital act of worship. This is a great scripture.
Blessing to you all

ONE BODY ONE CHURCH

This week I have come along some very interesting blogs about community and how God has called us to be One Body. For me this is something that I have felt for along time was not really happening. That I wasn't doing a good job with showing that I am the church. We all are one in the eyes of the Lord. We are what makes up the church. I remeber in the bible not sure where but that it talks about all the different body parts and without them we could not live. Which is so true because each body part is used for different things. Just like we aren't anything with Jesus in our lives. He is the one that made us. I find that when I fall away from the Lord my life is incomplete because then I start felling like there is something missing. That is Jesus. He is what makes me complete. Thats why we should be in community with each other . We should all be one body.

Genesis 28:3
May God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and increase your numbers until you become a community of peoples.
Genesis 28:2-4 (in Context) Genesis 28 (Whole Chapter)

Lets all be in community with each other. Lets all be One Body One Church. Lets do this for Jesus because he died on the church for our sins. We should due everything to please him and only him. This is my pray that we will all be one body one church. That we will live our lives for Jesus.
Blessing to you all

WITNESSING

Last I come home chruch after decided that I was not going to hang out with a friend because I didn't want to go all the way out to Surrey. If I went to Surrey I would have had to stay the night at a friends place. I wanted to just be at home and good thing I went home because when I got in the house my mom had a friend over. We all got to talking and I was able to witness to them both even though my mom friend goes to chruch. Just being able to talk about what I know and having my mom listen to what I was saying was great. We tak about things in the bible and what is God wants to see us do in life. We also talk about what is wrong in the eyes of God and what is wrong in the eyes of the world. It was great to be able to witness to them both. To let them know what I know about the bible. My mom's friend said to me wow you know your bible and I was like well I don't know it that great but I am trying to read more so then I will know my bible more. I was able to talk to them about the Salvation Army and how great they are because my mom's friend said that she didn't like the Salvation Amry because something happened when she went there and I was like the Salvation Army is the best chruch I have ever gone to. I have been to many chruches before but they are nothing like the Salvation Army. I believe the God has called me to be there and I am happy that I listened to God when he told me that was were he wanted me to be. What a great night I was so happy that my mom got to hear me talk about this stuff. I even shared something that I told myself I would never tell my mom. I told her that I use to smoke when I was in high school, but that God delieved me from that.
One cool thing is that this is all happening a week before I am being enrolled as a Soilder of the Salvation Army. I now know that this is the right decision for me because I feel that God is speaking through me and he won't stop. Not that I want him to stop speaking through me. I am so on fire for God and this flame is burning stronger then ever. I can't wait for Sunday. This is something God has been talking to me about for the last couple of months and I am ready to take this step. I am ready to witness to others and not be afraid because I know that God will take care of me. What agreat way to start the week. Being on fire for God.
Blessing to you all
Joshua 24:22Then Joshua said, "You are witnesses against yourselves that you have chosen to serve the LORD." "Yes, we are witnesses," they replied.Joshua 24:21-23 (in Context) Joshua 24 (Whole Chapter)
Be witnesses of God. Go and tell others of his great works.

More Love More Power

More Love More Power
More of you in my life
More Love More Power
More of you in my life

And I will worship you with all of my heart
I will worship you with all of my mind
And I will worship you with all of my strength
For you are my Lord, You are my lord

More faith, more passion
More of you in my life
More faith, more passion
More of you in my life

And I will worship you with all of my heart
I will worship you with all of my mind
And I will worship you with all of my strength
For you are my Lord, You are my lord

Whe I heard this song it really spoke to me becaus ethis is my pray that I would have more
love and power. More faith and passion in my life. I want this to be my pray. I want to life by
the words in this song because this is what I want to worship God with. I want to worship him with all that I have. I want to give him all that I have all of my life. For God is everything to me and I want to please him. I want to live my life for him and nothing else. He is my everything.
Amen!

Blessing to you all

WORSHIP

Last night I was at the Hill for the evening service. It was really great the worship was something I really needed. I was struggling this week with my focus on God because of somethings that have gone. This week all I thought about was me and what I wanted. I should have not thought about myself because I am living today because of God. So i should have been listening to what God wanted me to do and not what I wanted. God is going to support me in allo that I need. So ther worship was great I was able to give myself to God and surrend all that I needed to , to him. I had to ask God to forgive me for all that I had done this week. The whole not focusing on him and only on myself. I leaqrnt a reall good lesson from all this and that is that God want to show me all kinds of things. He wants me to listen to him and to wait for what he wants me to do. I want to give my worship to God. All I have to hiom and that is all I have to offer to him is my all. Worship for me is the best way to have intamcy with him and that is what I want to have a relationship with him.
That nigth I was going through a tuff time and just being able to lay mylife down for the Lord was the best thing ever. During the worship I was lieing down at the alter and a friend come up to me and asked if I needed pray and I said yes. At that moment I know that God wanted me to ask for forgiveness for what I had done that week. I lost all focus on God because I was fovusing on all the money I would be making not what I was suppose to be fouscing on. I was suppose to be focusing on what was going to happen to next day. I haed a family meeting. It went okay I guess. Not what I wanted to hear but it is not about me. It is about what God wants and what he thinks is best. That is something I have been struggling with. I pray that God will show me what he wants and that I want get so caught up in the money that I forget to look to God.
Blessing to you all.

I WILL WORSHIP YOU By Karyn Baker

Lord, teach me how to worship
As the elder do when they worship You
Lord perpare my proud heart so
When I see You in Your majesty

I will fall
On my face
And I will worship you

I will cry
From my heart
"Holy, holy, holy"

I'll exalt
Your great name
To all Heaven and earth

And I will worship You
I will worship You

I want to worship You
I love to worship You
I need to worship You

The first time I hear thissong I know right away that it was by Karyn Baker even before I saw the name. The reason I know that it was by Karyn because of how powerful the words were. I hear this song was on a Sunday night at the Hill. This is one of the most powerful song I have ever hear. This song has so much meaning for me because I have been struggling with worshipping God. I have been really trying to give my worship to God but then I don't alway know when it is worship. I know sometimes that it is coming from my heart. The part that just hits me is when it say I wlll fall on my face. All of those words are so powerful. I just love this song so much. This song makes me cry everytime I here it because I want to worship God with everything I have but sometimes I don't have enough to give to him or to offer him. So my worship is all I can give to him. As long as it is from my hear. Then that is what God wants from me. What a great song this is. I have heard many of Karyn songs but out of all the song I have heard this is the one song that is in my heart.
What a great Gift that is from God to be able to write such powerfuls words like that. God has gifted Karyn so greatfully to be an awsome song writer. What a great gift it is to be able to worship GOD in this way.
Blessing to you all

WORHTY

Last Night I was at the Evening Service at the Hill. Somthing hit me by the end of the night. I was down on the ground in tries. I really don't know what happened. I strated saying Jesus you are so WORHTY, btu then I was like if you are so WORHTY then why do I not please you. Why am I not living up to what you want in me. Why am I not living the life you have given me. Why am I not worshipping you or praiseing you the way I should be. I know deep down in my heart that you are WORTHY of all prasie but I am not always giving you my praises. I am not even sure what it means to be WORTHY or what it even looks like. I really need help to understand why I am not worthy for you why I can't even take time to prasie Jesus. So when I was down on the ground in tries I really wanted to give my life to Jesus. Everything that I can offer but I am not sure if I can. As I deal with conflicts in my life I wonder if I am really pleasing you in all I do. I tried to sit at the feet of Jesus but then I failed because I let all the stuff that I have been dealing with get in my way. I want to be worthy. I want to live for Jesus and I don't want to live a lie. I know that I am not prefect and that I am going to mess up but I want to be able to turn to Jesus when that happens. So I can't praise Jesus if I am not in that place. I want to be in that place so I can praise Jesus and give him all I have. I want to lie on the ground and offer myself to Jesus. I want to be a living sacrifices. Well that is all I have to say today.
Blessing to You all

INTAMCY

In the last coulpe of weeks at worship team we have been talking about intamcy and the stroy of Martha and Mary. The whole being intament with God is something I have been struggling with for along time. So I have been very intersted learing about intamcy. I want to be like Mary. I want to sit at the feet of Jesus and worship him with no distractions. I want to be able to sing to him with all my heart. Last night I was at a worhip service down town called Knee Drill. It was different then it normal is. We all sat around in a crilce and starting reading scritpures and prasing Jesus. There were times when people would just pick up a guatir and play even if they won't that good people still played. It was so great because I was able to feel that intamcy with Jesus because all the distractions didn't bother me. I focus on Jesus and sitting at his feet. I see what it means to have an intament relationhsip with Jesus. It is so great that feeling of being with Jesus and not letting all worry bother you or lose focus on Jesus. I have never felt this way before. I felt Jesus' presecen there and it was so powerful I can't explain who I felt after I left because I really don't what I felt. I want to encourage those of you who read my blogs that having an intament relationship with Jesus is the most amazing thing you could ever have. Don't feel like you can't be intament with Jesus because you can. Be Mary sit at the feet of Jesus because it is the most beutaful thing in the world and the most beautful place you could ever be. Take time out of your day to spend with Jesus wheather it is through pray or reading the word or jsut listening to worship music beacuse you will feel that intamcy with Jesus.
Blessing to you all

Worshipping Jesus Through Music

Last night at Refuge we told to bring our favourite worship song to play for the group. It was a great time because we all got to share what our favourite song was and why it was. Alot of the songs poeple chose were relatied to each other they had to do with God never leaving us. That nomatter what happens God will always be with you and that he will never leave to walk alone. The songs all had meaning to them. So the night was full of worshipping Jesus through our favourite songs. I really enjoyed this because we don't always have worship through music so this was a blessing to be able to sit with Jesus and to just close our eyes. I felt like I was with Jesus. That he had me on his lap like I was his child. That is so true becaus eI am his child, he created me to be like him, but there are times in my life that I don't alway act like the way I should. There is this one song that I chose and it was from Jason Uptown. It is called Emma. This song talks about not being alone. That with God we will never be alone he will always be with you. Wherever you go. Another good song is from Mercy Me undone. It is called Keep singing.
As I wriet this I am reminded of the stroy in Luke10:38-41
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he cane to a
village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet
listening to what he said. But Martha was distarcted by all the preparations that had to be made. She come to him and asked, Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her to hlep me! Martha Martha the Lord answered, You are worried and upset about mant things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is beteer and it will not be taken away from her.
What this scripture is talking about is that instead of serving God and not making time to sit at his feet he would rather you sit at his feet. Wherever that is. Mary was able to spend time with Jesus even when her sister was in the kicthen makint food for God.
My Question is, how do you sit at jesus' feet?
Blessings to you all.

Walking Through Struggles

These last couple of weeks have been a really big struggle for me. I have trying to run away from stuff that God in putting infront of me for a reason. I find that right now as I have to deal with some family stuff that I just want it all to be done with but it won't happen that fast. I have to contiune to stay close to Jesus and not to give up on what I believe. Some of the stuff has been really hard for me because I have been really sick and the doctors don't know what's going on. So as I deal with being really sick, I have to also deal with the though things that are infront of me instead of running from them. God wants to help me and he will never give me more then I can handle. Lats night I was reading a bit of the word. I read from John the first chapter. It's all about the light and that light is God. Without God there is no light. So then we would all be walking in the dark. This chapter really spoke to me because Jesus was telling me that I need to be in the light. I need to be in the word, not put it off. He wants to show me new things but I have to be willing to follow him.
As I contiune to walk through these struggles I know that God will take care of me. He will heal me so that I won't be sick anymore. I will grow stronger in all this. I pray that God will give me his strength to get through this all because I know that I am to weak to do this all on my own. I need Jesus. He will deliever me from all the bad stuff. He will walk with me through the tuff times. I want to be able to stay close to Jesus and not run away from whats going on in my life.
As I write all this I am reminded of the story from Luke 10. Martha and Mary. I want to be Mary. I want to sit at Jesus's feet. I just don't know who to do that. I guess I have to look to God for the answer. I don't want to be all coot up in serving and then be distracted by it all. I want to be interment with Jesus. I pray that God will show me all that and that he will help me through the family stuff.
God Bless

Martha and Mary

On Wednesday I was at worship team and Karyn had a devotion. We talked about Martha and Mary. The story in Luke10. It talked about how Martha was all about serving God and got very destracted were as Mary was all about being interment with God. This was very good topic because for lately I have been both Martha and Mary. There was a question that has pop into my head and that was in our day to day life who are. Are Martha or Mary. For me right now I am more Martha because instead of dealing with things going on I tend to destract myself so I don't have to deal with them. I am going to work on being Mary but it is going to be a ruff path.

Running The Race For Jesus

This past week or so I have felt like I have been running a race. There has been many optacoles but that hasn't stoped me. As I run this race at the finish line ther is going to be something even better waiting for me. Just knowing that is what keeps me going. I have had many struggles but I an not going to give up with out a fight. As I run there are things that tende to hold me back but my faith is stringer and I will keep at it. This race has been hard but because I know that I am doing it for God that helps me to see a clear picture of whats at the end of the race. Sometimes there are times were I find that I want to give up but I won't. I have been praying for this for awhile. That God would give me streght to get throuhg anything. I am not sure were in the Bible it say this but. Through God all things are posable. That very encoureging I think. That nomatter where you are or what you are doing God is there with you and He makes it all posable.
God has been showing me so much that it scares me because I really don't know if I can do it.I am afraid of letting God down. God has been working through me this week because I had the chance to show my mother what it is to be Christ like and that was great. I have never filt happer in my life. The Holy Spirit is so powerful. Last night I got to see how powerful he is. I was at a worship service downtown and let me tell you the Holy Spirit was truly there. God has his ways of showing us stuff.
God Bless

Living For Jesus

As I look at my life and the way I have been living it. I am questioning if I am really my life the way I am suppose to or am I wanting to believe that I am. I know that saying you are living for Jesus and not really living out the Christian life are two different things and I think that I have been doing that alot this week . I say that I want to live for God but my words and actions spaek differently. I look at my life and I see what I am doing wrong with it. It is that I am not really living for Jesus. I keep saying that I love God and I want to live for him. That my life belongs to him. Rightnow as I think about it I am not being true to God or myself and it hurts, because I am hurting God. I really want to live for Jesus I just need to not be afriad to show it. I need to strat reading my bible and really worshipping him, because he deservse it. God created me and everything around me. If it wasn't for him I would'n be where today.
Satan has been really trying to draw me away from God by putting lies in my head. Saying that God will not help you and that you are all alone. That I have to deal with everything by myself. To me that is scary because I don't think I would be able to do it on my own. I am to weak. I need God's strength to get through all this. With out God I am incomplete. Which brings me to this song that I have written. I am goiing to most likely share it on Sunday night. It takes about being in the dark and not knowing where to go in life. I find that I keep searching for God and when I can't find him I fall apart. I need God. I need to worship him. I love to worship him. I will worship him in everything I do.I realize that I can't live without God. He is my life. Without him I don't exists. I am going to keep praying that God will be my strength. That through him I can doing anything. If you are reading this I ask that you pray for me. That I will not give into Satan's temptations. That I will be strong enough to fight him.

When Satan Attacks

This week has been really hard for me with alot going on that I can't figure out why it is all happening to me. There is some really strongholds on me rigth now. It seem like every time I get close to God. I mean have a strong relationship with him Satan tens to jump in and try to take over my life. Sometimes I am so tried that I let him and then I fall away from God. This time I don't want to fall away from God because when I have God in my life I am so much happer. There is joy when I am with the Lord. I really struggeld this week with Satan and God. Know how was in my head telling me all this stuff. Then I figured it was Satan because he was putting lies in to my head. That might explain why my head hurts it's from all the lies the Satan keeps putting in. Rightnow I feel like there is something holding me back from really getting to know God and the plans he has for me. There is this veil that is blocking me from seeing God. I really want that veil to be uncovered so I can see God and be the person he wants me to be. I don't want to hind behind this mask anymore. I don't want to hide form God.
Last night I was at this worship service downtown were the war college students go. I really felt like that was where God wanted me to be. I was suppose to meet a friend there but then she decided that she wasn't going to go and asked if I wanted to hang instead of going to the worship service and I said no because God really wanted me to be there. I am happy that I went because God was speaking to me. I wanted Satan to know that he has know place in my life. I don't want to live two different lives. I want to only live for God.
I have one pray for you all that my relationship with God will be stronger and that Satan won't be albe to win me over. That God will heal me from all this stress and help me to get some rest. That I won't be sick anymore.
God Bless You

Praiseing God Through The Tuff Times

These last two days I have really been over doing it. I have been so stressed out that my body is shuting down and I am so drain out. I really want to be able to praise Jesus but right now I am so tried and I haven't had much sleep. Due to the lack of sleep I have been sick. This is something I need prayer for. Is that God will heal me complately. I don't have time to take a break because I have to work so I can support myself. I have been feeling this way for awhile now. It has been about two and half months. I know that my body is trying to tell me to get rest but that is hard to do right now. Thing are not going so well at home and I am dealing with this on my own. Even with all this going on I am still praising God every moment. I find it hard to rest because I want to be with my friends and with God, but then I find that when I'm with them I am draining out even more. I just want all this pain to go away. I don't want to be stressed out because I don't know how much more of this I can take. The whole being tried and not sleeping. I know that it is not good for my body but I just can't sleep anymore. Well that is all I have to say today. I am just asking that you pray for me.
God Bless You All

Experinceing The Joy Of The Lord

Yestuarday after the morning service a group of us went to Moody Park for a pinic. Even though it was not the best weahter out there we all had a great time hanging. There was Christian music playing and it was so loud that the whole park was able to hear it. I really enjoyed myself because I had the chance to get to know the youth for New West alot better. At first there where a few of us that didn't seem like they were having fun. I guess it was beacuse of the weather it put us down. Then Joanne and Micheal come and that was cool. We all had the chance to hang out with them and have fun. They are pretty sweet people and I thank God for putting them in my life. So it was a great day. Some cool stuff happened that I never thought I would be able to do.
Two weeks ago a group of us did an Open Air at Moody Park and we had the chance to meet this guy. The whole time during our Open Air he was sitting at the table behind us then he came and sat with us. So when we were at the park yestuarday we run into the same guy. We asked him if he wanted to join us and he said yes. We had the chance to witness to him. Which I never though I would have been able to do. So we were sitting there with him and he was sharing with us some stuff. Then we prayed for him. We had the chance to invite him to church and the Man's Bible study. His name is Will. I hope that he will come. After speaking to him about God and what he has done for us I really felt this joy. We even got to give food to a guy who was homeless, so that was great.
As I write this I look back to some of the things I was going to through and how far my life has gone. That fire I once had for God was gone but now it has come back and it is strongeer then ever. The whole witnessing to someone was great. I have been reading this book called RED MOONRISING. It about these Guys who start up a 24-7 pray room. I just started reading today but from what I have read it seem cool.What a great way to end such a hard week, being so full of joy.
God Bless you all

LIVING FOR JESUS

This week has been really hard for me. I have been dealing with alot of tuff stuff at home. The Devil has been working in my house hold for along time and I am scared. I don't feel safe at home because I am afraid of the Devil and I don't want him to win. I have been doing my best to live for Jesus but sometimes I let Satan get into my mind and then I give up on living for Jesus. I really want to be stronger and have the Devil be gone from my house but I don't know what to do. I have been praying alot more because I really want thing to get better at home. The more I pray the more I feel like things are getting worse. I just want to live for Jesus and not have to be scared of what will happen to me. I haven't slept much in the last few months. I so tried and so sick that I can't sleep. I haven't really been eating much. I guess it because of all the stress. I was getting help with the things at home but then this one person is no longer invovled because I haven't spoken to her in two months. I guess she doesn't want to be apart of this anymore and that is okay. I am trying to talk to my mom about go to get some help. Micheal Collions is willing to help me. He is not going to give up. He wants to do what ever it takes to fix this. I praise God ever day for all the great people he has placed into my life.
Even with all this going on I am still Living for Jesus. He is my everything. This last week a friend and I have been working on this song that I have written. It talks about searching for God because I am looking for God to show me what he wants. So even in the hardest of times always remember that you are living because of Jesus. That is what I have learnt from all of this. I would have to say that it is a good lesson for me. With all the hard times comes healing.
God Bless You All

Singing For God

On Saturday a group of us got together and did an open air which is like chruch out side. This was one of your mission at RAW and this was a mission that we wanted to bring back to New West so we did. So on Saturaday myself and the Raw group went to Moody Park and did a little church service there. We did worship which Cory did. There was sharing of Testimonies and reading of Scriptures. It was so much fun because there were people watching us and one person was very intertes in what was going on. For me this was a big stepping out of my comfort zone. I though it was going to be hard for me but it wasn't. I really enjoyed myself and seeing the changes in all of us has been really great. God has big plans for all of us.

Then on Sunday after church a group of us went to Tim's to hang out. We are all about the fellowshipping with each ohter. After Tim's we all went over to Ashley Mayer's house. As we were walking to house we went throuhg the park and we were really happy so we started singing worship songs and we didn't care what people thought of us we were having to much fun. Then this one laide walk by and she said Hallijua that was great. Just the excitment that was in all of us. This was something that I never saw myself doing but I did and it was great.

Then today I got to spend time in the sun. I went to Moody Park with a friend to hang out. What a beautifull day. We sat in the sun and got sun tans. Looking at all the trees and know that God created all that is around us was such a great picture. God was done so much for me and sometimes I don't give the credit for my life. But I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for God. My life belongs to God. I am his daughter and I can't wait to see him.

Well Blessing to you all

Spiritual Gift Test

Last night after having a really crapy day I came home from youth and decide to do a spiritual gift test. I know I had done one at youth counciles but this time I really answered the qusetions from my heart. I was really suprised with what I got this time because last time I really didn't think that is was me. I got really high points on four of them and I would like to share them with you. Well here they are.

Giving- The ability to give your time and money so that it can be used for God's work.
Pastoring- The ability to effectively guide and care for people in their walk with God.
Leading- The ability to motivate others to use their spiritual gifts and to do their best for the
work of the Lord.
Faith- The ability to have a confident belief that God will always do what is the very best.

As I look at these gifts and really think about them, I find it very intertesing that Leading woulkd be one of my gifts because awhile back I had talk to Karyn about leadership and that God was calling me to be in leadership. Now that I think about it more being in leadership is what God really wants. All these gifts that God has giving me is the right ones. These are the gifts that God wants me to use and I need to step up and do that. I want to please him. For those of you who read my blogs can you pray that God will contiue to show me how to use these gift for his glory and not for mine. I really am so excited to know what my gifts are and what God wants me to do with them.
God Bless

Silence and Solitude

Last night at Refuge we talked alot about being silence and listening to God. Listening to what he has to say to us. At the beginning of Refuge everyone one was talking and it took along time to start the night which that normal doesn't happen. So this was a good lesson for alot of us becuase it involved us being quite and having to listen and answer questions. There were alot of questions that we were given and they were really good ones. They made me really think of my life and my relationship with God. The questions that were asked are.
-Do you have a hard time being quite?
-What are the noises in your life?
-Do you have the power to remove the noises?
-Do you have the power to controll the noises?
-Do you have the power to minamizs the noises?
-Do you have time in your day to be silent with God?
-Is it possible that God speraks to you all the time?
-When you are troubled with things who do you go to? God or Others
-What is the longest time you spent in silents?
-Are you afraid of being alone with God?

These really spoke to me because in my day day time I don't make time to listen to God or to be in slience with God. I left last night really thinking of my life and what I tend to do on my spare time and not once could I think of my time being with God in silence. I think that really suck because I want to spend every moment with God. Here are some scriptures that we all read last night.
-Deuteronomy27:9
-Psalm4:4
-Habakkuk2:20
-Matthew11:28
-Psalm46:10
-1Kings19:9-13

What a good lesson this was for me. I really learnt alot of this and I am ready to what God wants me to do. I will listen to him and be silent with him.
God Bless

BIRTHDAYS

Last night was a great night at Refuge. It was a good message from God that I need to spend more time with him. Yesterday I turned 21 and I got to celebrate my birthday with friends and family that I love so much. I got to spend my birthday at Refuge. They got me flowers and a card that was great even though I was not expecting anything I was so blessed to have found such great friend that care so much about me that they would all do that. Than at the end of Refuge we had cake I got to share it with the Men and Ladies group they all joined to celebrate with me. What better way to be spending your Birthday with People that you love and care about. I couldn't ask for a better gift then being able to spend it with you all. Even though I got gifts for thoes who didn't know it was my Birthday I don't need you to get me anything because hanging with all you and celebrating my birthday with you all was the best gift ever. I will alway remember this day. The cake was so good it was Ice Cream cake which is my favouirt of all times. Thank you all for being apart of last night. It really made my day so much better being with you all. What a blessing God has given me, to have so many people that love and care about me. That joy and happeness that I felt last night is still in me because I never really took time to see how much we all care and love each other. Refuge is the best place to be. We all have changed so much in the last couple of months and I am so happy to be apart of this group. Maybe in the near future God will place me there as a leader to you all. I have to pray more about it and see if that is what God wants for me. I thank God for all the great people he put into my life. I love you all so much. Thanks for being so good friends.
God Bless

Great Night Of Worship

These last few days have been filled of worship for me. I have been going to alot of worship services this week. Which was really great for me because I was able to really see God and hear what he is saying to me. Last night I was at the Hill for the evening service and they played this song that really spoke to me because it has to do with God being with you where ever you go in life. The song is called Where I am written by Karyn Baker. I am not sure if I am missing some verses so if I am place let me know. Here the song.
I am your servent
Where you send me is where my heart longs to be
If you ask me to walk through fire
It's my prayer that my respones will always be:

Where ever I am there you are
Where ever I am there you are
What ever you ask of me I'm satified to say
Where ever I am there you are

I am your servent
Where you send me is where my heart longs to be
If you ask me to walk through fire
It's my prayer that my respones will always be:

Where ever I am there you are
Where ever I am there you are
What ever you ask of me I'm Humble just to say
Where ever I am there you are

Jesus loves me this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones who him below
They are weak but he his strong

Yes Jesus Loves me
Yes Jesus Loves me
Yes Jesus Loves me
The Bible tells me so

Last night this song really spoke to me so strongly becaues in the last couple of days there is this image that keeps coming into my head and it. I am standing in the middle of a room and God is there with me. He is clothing me with his Armor and says GO GO GO. I have been praying for God to reveil to me what that means but he has not shown me. God is calling me to go somewhere but I really don't know where it is. So when I heard that song last night all I could think about was that know matter where I am God will always be there. What ever the situation is God will be there. Where ever I am in life God will be there with me. This song is so powerful because if you look at the words it say I am your servent, Where you send me is where my heatr longs to be. So where ever God wants to send me is where my heart longs to be. I am going to contiune to pray that God will show me what that image means because I want to go where he wants me to be. God is really wanting to use me but I am scared that I am not be ready for what he wants. If you read this I am asking that you pray that I will be reday for the things God is calling me to do and where he is calling me to be also that God will give me a clearer picture of where he wants me to go.
God Bless

Late Night Out With Good Friends

Yesterday I had gotten the day off of work because I had worked almost all week so they gave me the rest of the week off, which was great.I got to spend some time with my mom and sister. Then I went downtown to a worship service with the war college students. It was alot of fun because I had the chance to hang out with my friends that I haven't hung out with in awhile. After the worship service a group of us with out dancing and that was fun. I had the chance to be in followship with my friends and really have the chance to be my self. There is nothing better than having a night out with your friends. I was able to really feel like I was apart of that group of friends. The dancing was alot of fun even though I am not the greatest dancer. I still went out and had a blast. I never though I would have had that much fun.
For those of you that don't in the last couple of weeks I have been going through some spirital stuff. God has been talking to me about somethings he wants me to do but I don't know if I am ready to step out and win the world for Jesus.After attending RAW over the spring break God has been reveiling things to me that he wants me to take part in. I don't want to let God down but I really don't know if I am ready to take these big steps. All this could mean me having to change my life around and not live the way I am right now. I find it funny that God is calling me to do this stuff because I have not always been the greatest christian. I have messed up alot but God has always forgiven me.
With all this going on I have not really been myself. I have not been sleeping or eating because I am so confused, I don't know what to do. I want my life to be on the right track but I also don't want to disapoint God if I mess up.So last night was something I really needed , just that chance to hang out with my friends which are christians to. Having that time away from what is going through my mind helped me to see a picture of what God is wanting to happen in my life. I hope that all this will change who I am today and that I will be able to have a stronger relationship with God. I love seeing and hearing what God wants to say to me or show me. I can't wait to see what is going to happen next.
Bye For Now
God Bless

HOLINESS

Tuesday night at Refuge we talked about holiness and what is hoilness. We talked about God's holiness and were given some really good scripture. The scripture are.
-Exdous 15:11
-Psalm 29:2
-Psalm 96:9
-Leviticus 20:7-8;26
-Revelation 4:8
We also talked about our holiness which was really good. We talked alot about idols. We are called to be holy people. We have grace through Jesus, however we must be in a state of repentance. With forgiveness we are cleaned and made new. Anything can be an idol or a god. Alot of the time we tend to place other things before God and that should never be because God should always be first in our lives. We are the clay in the potters hand which is God. God is shaping us to be more like him.
Here are some really good questions to ask yourself.
What is keping you from God?
What is keping you from becoming holy?
At the end of the night we all placed our idols on a flower pot and asked God to forgive us for all the things we placed above him. After writting our idols on the potts we broke the pot so then our idols would no longer exist in our lives. What a great night it was because I never really realized that I was doing that placeing other things above God. He treally spoke to me and told me that these things were keeping me from him. I asked God for his forgiveness and he gave it to me.
Some really good scriptures on our holiness are.
-Romans 6:19,2
-Romans 12:1
-2Corthians 7:1
-Ephesians 4:22-24
-Hebrews 12:10
-Hebrews 12:14
-1Peter 1:15-16
-2Peter 3:11
All this stuff really good things to think about. Ask God were in your life have you been placeing others above God because he will tell you. He wants to have a great relationship with you. He want to be the only thing in your life. So let him.
God Bless You All

Pressing On Towards The Goal

On Tuesday nights I attend a youth group at New West called Refuge. Which means a safe place to come and worship God. The Pastor there was Karyn Baker but now we are getting and new pastor. Anyways we had talked about Pressing On Towards The Goal, which is from Philippians 3:12-16. This preach was really great because we talked about Hoilness and what it looks like to be holy. There were alot of questions that really spoke to me and I want to share them with you all.
1- Where am I ?
2- Where am I going?
3- How am I going to get there?
When I think of these questions I think of my faith and where I am right now with my relationship with God. Where does he wnat me to go. I can feel God calling me to go but I don't really know where he wants me to go rightnow.
4-What do you believe?
5-How strong is your faith?
6-What is keeping you from doing what God is asking?
These are all good qusetions to think about. I have been asking God these questions because I really want to know what God want me to do. All these questions get me thinking baout my individual walk with Jesus. What does that look like for me. As of right now I am not sure. I am in the middle of looking for a new job. Which that could mean me leaving and going somewhere differnet. I really don't know where God is calling me.
Here are some really good scriptures to look at.
Philippians 3:12-16
1Peter 1:13-16
1Timothy 4:12
Galations 5:7-10
Well that is all I have to say for now. For those fo you who read my blog just pray that God will show me what I am to do and also that God will take care of Refuge and bring someone to us.
Love you all.
Bye for now
God Bless

RAW

This past week I had spent my spring break on the down town east side taking part of this event called Ready and Willing. This program was about traning to become serevnts. So I spent that week serveing God in many different ways. But what really hit me the most was this one preach and it was about face realitiy and seeing what is in front of you. So it was about eye sit and there were lots of signs that day that showed me I need to look at what God has infront of me. In our last cell group meeting we talk about thing that we could do in our own commiunty which would be New West. So we all put our heads together and come up with some ministry that we could do. God has really been laying it on my heart to get more involved in serving him so on Sunday after our service those of us who went to RAW hads a meeting to talk about some of the Ministry that we want to bring to New West. So we talk and starting next Sunday we are putting together some new minisrtys outside of the New West community. I am evey excited because this is something I have been wanting to do for awhile.
I remember going to RAW last year and not applying anything I learnt to my life but this year I really thouhg alot about my life and what I have been doing wrong and that was not apllying what I have learnt to my life. I am serious about what we are doing in the New West community because God called me to New West almost a year ago and I didn't know why but now I do and that is to be a servent to him and to take part of leadersip roles. I can't wait to see what God has planned for all of us in this ministry. I can't wait to see how far this is going to go. I learnt alot at RAW this year and was challenged in many ways that I never though of. There were ares were I struggled but I am moving past that and starting to live my life for God. Next Year I am for sure going to be attending RAW.
Thanks to Cory, Denise,Joe, and Joel for being such great leaders to us even though our youth pastor was unable to attend. I had a great time getting to know Denise. She is one great leader and a good freind.

WORSHIP Part3

Well this is my last post on Worship. I have learnt so much that I am ready to apply all that I have learnt to my life. I really fell that this could be a new experinces for me to worship God through all. To use the gifts he has given me and that is to serve others and not myself. I am willing to give up everything to worship God and to do as he has told me to. Learning about worship has changed who I am and the way I look at my life. Lately I have not really been worshipping God the way I sured be and I realize that. God has shown me that through this book. I am going to worship God because he deserves it. Worship is meant for God and I have not been making it all about God. For me I was making it about my friends and that should never be because God is the one who made me this way. Worship is a weapon to win the battle against the Devil and I want to win that battle. Worship is about sacrifice, celebration, creation and dedication. We worship because it gives him his worth, something that is far too important for our own egos and insecurities. Here are some quotes.
'Worship is a way of gladly reflecting back to God the radiance of his worth.' John Piper
'The priority of worship must be to give' 'pleasure and glory to the One who is the subject of our worship.'Graham Kendrick.
Worship is something that I have learnt so much about. I will not forget what I have learnt because God has diffiently spaeking to me through this book.

WORSHIP Part 2

I have been spending alot more time looking at worship form a different point of view which has been good for me. I am almost done reading For The Audience Of One- The Soul Survivor Guide To Worship By Mike Pilavachi with Craig Borlase. This book really help to understand more about what worship is and what it look like. After reading this book I have been able to see what worship really is. I have now applied worship to my every day life. I cut my cable off on Friday and I have not watched it since. I am really trying to focus on God and what he wants me to do and he told me that I needed to give up watching TV because that is all I was doing.
Well back to the book this was this one chapter call The Fruit of Worship Part One (Healing).
I got some really cool thing out of this chapter that I want to share with you all.
- We worship because he deserves it, because worship is the expression of intimacy with him. Whenever we worship him there is a consequence; at times that means we get changed or healed, but it can also mean that our levels of holiness increase.
-To worship is to find healing. As we devote ourselves to worship we get drawn up like a plant towards the sun, the heat and the light of God's love healing us, leaving us upright instead of bent double.
The Fruit Of Worship Part Two (Holiness)
-True holiness is so much more than self-discipline.
-We are meant to be people of his presence; we are supposed to interact with our Maker, to have hime at the centre of our lives.
-Worship is supposed to be an opportunity to express the depth of our hearts to God.
-Worship is bringing who we are to him; worship should be an expression of life.
These are some of the key point that God spoke so clearly to me and I wanted to share with you.
Worship should be a part of our every day lives. Whether we are at school, work , and home.
Never forget that God is the one who made us to worship him. He deserves our everything.
Praise God for all that he has showen me.

WORSHIP

This last week I have been really focusing on the meaning of worship because God has been speaking it to me. When I first heard the word worship I though of muics and that was the only way I was to worship God. On Wednesday I meet with a good friend and we talk about worship and what it looks like. I think I get the meaning of worship. Well I have been reading this great book call For The Audience Of One By Mike Pilavachi with Craig Borlase. The Soul Survivor Guide To Worship. It has been so good that I have not been able to put it down. When it comes to reading I am not much of a person who likes to read but I w9olud have to say that this is one book that I think I could read more then once.
A few things that really spoke to me was that Worship is to give God what is rightfully his. And what does the Creator of the universe deserve? How about adoration, praise, and thanks and love. Worship must come before everything else. This means that we need to have our hearts right. There is so much more to write but I have to finish the book then I will write more on it. I will keep you all posted on what I have been redaing about worship because I think it is important to know what worship really means and that it is what God wants from us.
One last thing about worship is that true worship is to be so personall and hopelessly in love with God, that the idea of a transfer of affection never even romotely exists.
God has really been speaking alot to me through this book. I have even decieded to cut my cable so I can be more involved in worshipping God.Well I ask that you pray for me that I won't get tempted to watch TV.