WORHTY

Last Night I was at the Evening Service at the Hill. Somthing hit me by the end of the night. I was down on the ground in tries. I really don't know what happened. I strated saying Jesus you are so WORHTY, btu then I was like if you are so WORHTY then why do I not please you. Why am I not living up to what you want in me. Why am I not living the life you have given me. Why am I not worshipping you or praiseing you the way I should be. I know deep down in my heart that you are WORTHY of all prasie but I am not always giving you my praises. I am not even sure what it means to be WORTHY or what it even looks like. I really need help to understand why I am not worthy for you why I can't even take time to prasie Jesus. So when I was down on the ground in tries I really wanted to give my life to Jesus. Everything that I can offer but I am not sure if I can. As I deal with conflicts in my life I wonder if I am really pleasing you in all I do. I tried to sit at the feet of Jesus but then I failed because I let all the stuff that I have been dealing with get in my way. I want to be worthy. I want to live for Jesus and I don't want to live a lie. I know that I am not prefect and that I am going to mess up but I want to be able to turn to Jesus when that happens. So I can't praise Jesus if I am not in that place. I want to be in that place so I can praise Jesus and give him all I have. I want to lie on the ground and offer myself to Jesus. I want to be a living sacrifices. Well that is all I have to say today.
Blessing to You all

INTAMCY

In the last coulpe of weeks at worship team we have been talking about intamcy and the stroy of Martha and Mary. The whole being intament with God is something I have been struggling with for along time. So I have been very intersted learing about intamcy. I want to be like Mary. I want to sit at the feet of Jesus and worship him with no distractions. I want to be able to sing to him with all my heart. Last night I was at a worhip service down town called Knee Drill. It was different then it normal is. We all sat around in a crilce and starting reading scritpures and prasing Jesus. There were times when people would just pick up a guatir and play even if they won't that good people still played. It was so great because I was able to feel that intamcy with Jesus because all the distractions didn't bother me. I focus on Jesus and sitting at his feet. I see what it means to have an intament relationhsip with Jesus. It is so great that feeling of being with Jesus and not letting all worry bother you or lose focus on Jesus. I have never felt this way before. I felt Jesus' presecen there and it was so powerful I can't explain who I felt after I left because I really don't what I felt. I want to encourage those of you who read my blogs that having an intament relationship with Jesus is the most amazing thing you could ever have. Don't feel like you can't be intament with Jesus because you can. Be Mary sit at the feet of Jesus because it is the most beutaful thing in the world and the most beautful place you could ever be. Take time out of your day to spend with Jesus wheather it is through pray or reading the word or jsut listening to worship music beacuse you will feel that intamcy with Jesus.
Blessing to you all

Worshipping Jesus Through Music

Last night at Refuge we told to bring our favourite worship song to play for the group. It was a great time because we all got to share what our favourite song was and why it was. Alot of the songs poeple chose were relatied to each other they had to do with God never leaving us. That nomatter what happens God will always be with you and that he will never leave to walk alone. The songs all had meaning to them. So the night was full of worshipping Jesus through our favourite songs. I really enjoyed this because we don't always have worship through music so this was a blessing to be able to sit with Jesus and to just close our eyes. I felt like I was with Jesus. That he had me on his lap like I was his child. That is so true becaus eI am his child, he created me to be like him, but there are times in my life that I don't alway act like the way I should. There is this one song that I chose and it was from Jason Uptown. It is called Emma. This song talks about not being alone. That with God we will never be alone he will always be with you. Wherever you go. Another good song is from Mercy Me undone. It is called Keep singing.
As I wriet this I am reminded of the stroy in Luke10:38-41
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he cane to a
village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet
listening to what he said. But Martha was distarcted by all the preparations that had to be made. She come to him and asked, Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her to hlep me! Martha Martha the Lord answered, You are worried and upset about mant things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is beteer and it will not be taken away from her.
What this scripture is talking about is that instead of serving God and not making time to sit at his feet he would rather you sit at his feet. Wherever that is. Mary was able to spend time with Jesus even when her sister was in the kicthen makint food for God.
My Question is, how do you sit at jesus' feet?
Blessings to you all.

Walking Through Struggles

These last couple of weeks have been a really big struggle for me. I have trying to run away from stuff that God in putting infront of me for a reason. I find that right now as I have to deal with some family stuff that I just want it all to be done with but it won't happen that fast. I have to contiune to stay close to Jesus and not to give up on what I believe. Some of the stuff has been really hard for me because I have been really sick and the doctors don't know what's going on. So as I deal with being really sick, I have to also deal with the though things that are infront of me instead of running from them. God wants to help me and he will never give me more then I can handle. Lats night I was reading a bit of the word. I read from John the first chapter. It's all about the light and that light is God. Without God there is no light. So then we would all be walking in the dark. This chapter really spoke to me because Jesus was telling me that I need to be in the light. I need to be in the word, not put it off. He wants to show me new things but I have to be willing to follow him.
As I contiune to walk through these struggles I know that God will take care of me. He will heal me so that I won't be sick anymore. I will grow stronger in all this. I pray that God will give me his strength to get through this all because I know that I am to weak to do this all on my own. I need Jesus. He will deliever me from all the bad stuff. He will walk with me through the tuff times. I want to be able to stay close to Jesus and not run away from whats going on in my life.
As I write all this I am reminded of the story from Luke 10. Martha and Mary. I want to be Mary. I want to sit at Jesus's feet. I just don't know who to do that. I guess I have to look to God for the answer. I don't want to be all coot up in serving and then be distracted by it all. I want to be interment with Jesus. I pray that God will show me all that and that he will help me through the family stuff.
God Bless

Martha and Mary

On Wednesday I was at worship team and Karyn had a devotion. We talked about Martha and Mary. The story in Luke10. It talked about how Martha was all about serving God and got very destracted were as Mary was all about being interment with God. This was very good topic because for lately I have been both Martha and Mary. There was a question that has pop into my head and that was in our day to day life who are. Are Martha or Mary. For me right now I am more Martha because instead of dealing with things going on I tend to destract myself so I don't have to deal with them. I am going to work on being Mary but it is going to be a ruff path.

Running The Race For Jesus

This past week or so I have felt like I have been running a race. There has been many optacoles but that hasn't stoped me. As I run this race at the finish line ther is going to be something even better waiting for me. Just knowing that is what keeps me going. I have had many struggles but I an not going to give up with out a fight. As I run there are things that tende to hold me back but my faith is stringer and I will keep at it. This race has been hard but because I know that I am doing it for God that helps me to see a clear picture of whats at the end of the race. Sometimes there are times were I find that I want to give up but I won't. I have been praying for this for awhile. That God would give me streght to get throuhg anything. I am not sure were in the Bible it say this but. Through God all things are posable. That very encoureging I think. That nomatter where you are or what you are doing God is there with you and He makes it all posable.
God has been showing me so much that it scares me because I really don't know if I can do it.I am afraid of letting God down. God has been working through me this week because I had the chance to show my mother what it is to be Christ like and that was great. I have never filt happer in my life. The Holy Spirit is so powerful. Last night I got to see how powerful he is. I was at a worship service downtown and let me tell you the Holy Spirit was truly there. God has his ways of showing us stuff.
God Bless

Living For Jesus

As I look at my life and the way I have been living it. I am questioning if I am really my life the way I am suppose to or am I wanting to believe that I am. I know that saying you are living for Jesus and not really living out the Christian life are two different things and I think that I have been doing that alot this week . I say that I want to live for God but my words and actions spaek differently. I look at my life and I see what I am doing wrong with it. It is that I am not really living for Jesus. I keep saying that I love God and I want to live for him. That my life belongs to him. Rightnow as I think about it I am not being true to God or myself and it hurts, because I am hurting God. I really want to live for Jesus I just need to not be afriad to show it. I need to strat reading my bible and really worshipping him, because he deservse it. God created me and everything around me. If it wasn't for him I would'n be where today.
Satan has been really trying to draw me away from God by putting lies in my head. Saying that God will not help you and that you are all alone. That I have to deal with everything by myself. To me that is scary because I don't think I would be able to do it on my own. I am to weak. I need God's strength to get through all this. With out God I am incomplete. Which brings me to this song that I have written. I am goiing to most likely share it on Sunday night. It takes about being in the dark and not knowing where to go in life. I find that I keep searching for God and when I can't find him I fall apart. I need God. I need to worship him. I love to worship him. I will worship him in everything I do.I realize that I can't live without God. He is my life. Without him I don't exists. I am going to keep praying that God will be my strength. That through him I can doing anything. If you are reading this I ask that you pray for me. That I will not give into Satan's temptations. That I will be strong enough to fight him.

When Satan Attacks

This week has been really hard for me with alot going on that I can't figure out why it is all happening to me. There is some really strongholds on me rigth now. It seem like every time I get close to God. I mean have a strong relationship with him Satan tens to jump in and try to take over my life. Sometimes I am so tried that I let him and then I fall away from God. This time I don't want to fall away from God because when I have God in my life I am so much happer. There is joy when I am with the Lord. I really struggeld this week with Satan and God. Know how was in my head telling me all this stuff. Then I figured it was Satan because he was putting lies in to my head. That might explain why my head hurts it's from all the lies the Satan keeps putting in. Rightnow I feel like there is something holding me back from really getting to know God and the plans he has for me. There is this veil that is blocking me from seeing God. I really want that veil to be uncovered so I can see God and be the person he wants me to be. I don't want to hind behind this mask anymore. I don't want to hide form God.
Last night I was at this worship service downtown were the war college students go. I really felt like that was where God wanted me to be. I was suppose to meet a friend there but then she decided that she wasn't going to go and asked if I wanted to hang instead of going to the worship service and I said no because God really wanted me to be there. I am happy that I went because God was speaking to me. I wanted Satan to know that he has know place in my life. I don't want to live two different lives. I want to only live for God.
I have one pray for you all that my relationship with God will be stronger and that Satan won't be albe to win me over. That God will heal me from all this stress and help me to get some rest. That I won't be sick anymore.
God Bless You

Praiseing God Through The Tuff Times

These last two days I have really been over doing it. I have been so stressed out that my body is shuting down and I am so drain out. I really want to be able to praise Jesus but right now I am so tried and I haven't had much sleep. Due to the lack of sleep I have been sick. This is something I need prayer for. Is that God will heal me complately. I don't have time to take a break because I have to work so I can support myself. I have been feeling this way for awhile now. It has been about two and half months. I know that my body is trying to tell me to get rest but that is hard to do right now. Thing are not going so well at home and I am dealing with this on my own. Even with all this going on I am still praising God every moment. I find it hard to rest because I want to be with my friends and with God, but then I find that when I'm with them I am draining out even more. I just want all this pain to go away. I don't want to be stressed out because I don't know how much more of this I can take. The whole being tried and not sleeping. I know that it is not good for my body but I just can't sleep anymore. Well that is all I have to say today. I am just asking that you pray for me.
God Bless You All

Experinceing The Joy Of The Lord

Yestuarday after the morning service a group of us went to Moody Park for a pinic. Even though it was not the best weahter out there we all had a great time hanging. There was Christian music playing and it was so loud that the whole park was able to hear it. I really enjoyed myself because I had the chance to get to know the youth for New West alot better. At first there where a few of us that didn't seem like they were having fun. I guess it was beacuse of the weather it put us down. Then Joanne and Micheal come and that was cool. We all had the chance to hang out with them and have fun. They are pretty sweet people and I thank God for putting them in my life. So it was a great day. Some cool stuff happened that I never thought I would be able to do.
Two weeks ago a group of us did an Open Air at Moody Park and we had the chance to meet this guy. The whole time during our Open Air he was sitting at the table behind us then he came and sat with us. So when we were at the park yestuarday we run into the same guy. We asked him if he wanted to join us and he said yes. We had the chance to witness to him. Which I never though I would have been able to do. So we were sitting there with him and he was sharing with us some stuff. Then we prayed for him. We had the chance to invite him to church and the Man's Bible study. His name is Will. I hope that he will come. After speaking to him about God and what he has done for us I really felt this joy. We even got to give food to a guy who was homeless, so that was great.
As I write this I look back to some of the things I was going to through and how far my life has gone. That fire I once had for God was gone but now it has come back and it is strongeer then ever. The whole witnessing to someone was great. I have been reading this book called RED MOONRISING. It about these Guys who start up a 24-7 pray room. I just started reading today but from what I have read it seem cool.What a great way to end such a hard week, being so full of joy.
God Bless you all